HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
