My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
