I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I AM VODKA MAN
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
