there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
