Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
