6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
