he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize