Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
