why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
