Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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