so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
