Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
