I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
