I want to walk on stilts...naked
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
