We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
