Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
