maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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