So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
