I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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