Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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