I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
