So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
