Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
