Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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