She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize