OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
