I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
