i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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