dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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