Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
