Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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