I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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