we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
