dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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