I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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