you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
