Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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