Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I want a musical about memes.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
