Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
