If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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