I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
