Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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