If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
