I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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