it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
