Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
