It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
These tits shall not be calmed
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