I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
