My first STD was from a foam party
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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