I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
