Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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