Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i think i have two assholes
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
