Your tits are I can't wait for
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
