I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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