It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
foreskin is a definite game changer
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
