I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
