when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
