I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
