Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
