So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
