I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
