And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
