she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
