we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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