all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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