With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
they're like a gay fantastic four
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
