Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just want nice things and good sex
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
