so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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