haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you had me at cake vodka
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
