I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
MIDGETS
????
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
