Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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