i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize