Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im holly from the hills drunk
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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