we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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