the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
