I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
