Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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